Tomorrow I see my therapist. My bipolar and borderline personality disorder have been fairly stable over the last year. Since August 2013 though I began working with a therapist who specializes in trauma therapy. I never talked about my past history of abuse/sexual assault. It wasn’t even until these past few months that I truly began opening up to my therapist though, which has made things incredibly hard for me. Nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks have been almost a daily part of my life.
In one way, I am looking forward to seeing her tomorrow because I feel like I really need talk about things. I was able to talk to my brother prior to our family reunion about some of our childhood growing up and it really brought up even more memories that hurt me.
It is amazing how the brain works with post traumatic stress disorder. For so long I thought I could just block all of it out of my mind. But the more I did it, the harder it hit me when it came back up.
Once I get past this though, hopefully I can get rid of the numbness, guilt, shame, nightmares, flashbacks, anger, hopelessness, self-destruction, insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, and bad memories.
I am getting closer and closer to coming to terms with my past though. It is hard now, but my future is going to be so much better for it.