Therapy – It came and went

Therapy – It came and it went.

I was terrified about going today.  After dealing with a family reunion that made me face relationships and past issues that had hurt me I was not looking forward to even thinking about therapy, and yet I was also looking forward to it because I wanted to talk about it.

My problem is simple though — I want to talk about things, and then I get to therapy, and no words come out.  I have all these words in my head, but I can’t form them into sentences.  I don’t know how to say them, I don’t want to say them, I don’t want to hear them out loud.  Occasionally I have been able to say certain things here and there though.  So I was hoping that perhaps some of it would just come out today.  Opening up to people is incredibly hard.  Even once I have built up trust with my therapist I find it hard.  I completely trust her, but for some reason, talking just seems almost impossible even though I want to do it so bad.  Does anyone else have this problem?

The session actually did not go horribly.  I did go into a bit of a flashback though and ended up completely breaking down crying.  We were talking about something, I don’t even remember now, and I simply just went out of the moment, the next thing I knew I was just crying cause I was having so much pain and emotion about what had happened.  But thankfully I was with my therapist and she could walk me through it.  I wish I had a professional therapist on my shoulder 24/hrs a day for when that type of thing happens!  It calms me down so much quicker than I can do on my own!

I cannot wait until I work through all of these past traumas.  I can tell I am stronger than I was from when I started though.  And while things might get harder, I will only grow from this in the end.

Alarm set for Friday next week to begin again!

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