WordPress Post A Day – We all have songs that remind us of specific periods and events in our lives. Twenty years from now, which song will remind you of the summer of 2014?
I’m not perfect. I am going to screw up. I can’t live up to everyone’s expectations.
This summer, I owned up to that. I took off my mask and quit hiding behind it. I quit pretending like I could be happy all the time, I could be perfect all the time, like nothing that was said to me or done to me hurt me. Because you know what? It did, people hurt me. They said hurtful things, they did hurtful things. I suffered from mental illness and I wasn’t always happy all the time. I couldn’t be strong all the time. I’m human. I’m only human.
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human
I try to make myself believe that I can do everything, that I can be someone I am not. Throughout my life I have done this. If you read my Post A Day yesterday, you will see I have done this my whole life. But this summer, I learned I don’t have to do this anymore. I can be who I am. Christina Perri’s song ‘Human” describes perfectly what my Summer 2014 has been all about – discovering my inner strength – my power – to reclaim and show that I don’t have to be perfect. I can be vulnerable, and that is ok. It is hard, it is hard to let people in, and I am still working on it, but it is possible and it is ok.
Holding my breath, Biting my tongue, forcing a smile, forcing a laugh – that just isn’t possible anymore.
I can take so much
‘Til I’ve had enough
For me, once I have had enough, my only way out was suicide, and I can’t keep turning to that. So this summer, I have begun to reclaim control. Or, work on reclaiming control I should say! It is a work in progress and always will be a work in progress as that is how mental illness is – a lifelong struggle and battle.
As I look back on the summer of 2014, I will remember this song, and how it showed me – it is ok to have flaws and imperfections, that is what makes us human and quite honestly I don’t want to be a robot! But in all seriousness, flaws and imperfections are just as important as our strengths, they make us unique!