Dissociation and Staying in the Here and Now.

Dissociation.  It sucks.  It has been happening to me a lot I guess.

My anxiety medication was making things worse for me, so I was taken off of it.  But while I was on it, my dissociation was even worse than before.  But even off of it, I still dissociate. It is completely frustrating

So, some of you might not even know what dissociation is. 

Dissociation – It can be mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience.

It does not necessarily mean you have Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder).  Dissociation can simply mean you , somewhat zone out, detach yourself from what is around you, go off into your own world so you do not think what your mind wants you to think or feel. 

Dealing with my past history of abuse has been incredibly hard.  Thinking of that, the sexual abuse, the rape, everything – it has just made me incredibly anxious and depressed and quite honestly, the suicidal ideations have been running rampant in my head. 

Sometimes, I don’t even have to be thinking about any of it, and suddenly a memory will just pop into my brain and trigger me and I either have a flashback, a panic attack, or completely dissociate.  During therapy, the dissociation has happened more frequently.  It is really frustrating.  Sometimes I come out of it and just want to cry.  I feel horrible.  I don’t want to talk at all. 

It is really hard to deal with.  Staying in the here and now – I guess I just have to keep learning how to do that.  I guess I need to practice using my grounding techniques more frequently when my anxiety is high and the dissociation occurs.  As my therapist says, she is there to help me through it when it happens in her office, but when she is not around, I have to learn how to do it on my own. 

Schizophrenia Simulator (Hearing Voices/Psychosis)

Want to see what schizophrenia is like?  Here is a schizophrenia simulator.  You need to wear headphones to get the full effect though, otherwise it wont work. 

 

 

Hearing voices can happen when anyone goes into psychosis, not just with schizophrenia.  This can happen when someone has schizoaffective disorder.  When someone has a psychotic episode with bipolar or even severe depression.  Post partum psychosis can also occur.  It can also be triggered from PTSD and severe stress.

 

Hear is a video of Anderson Cooper trying a schizophrenia simulation.

Post a Day – Off We Go! A Trip to Remember my Freedom from the Hospital!

WordPress Post A Day – ‘Tis the season for road trips — if time and money were out of the equation, what car-based adventure would you go on? (If you don’t or can’t drive, any land-based journey counts.)

 

I absolutely love road trips!  In fact I think I have taken 8-10 of them in the last 3 years, Not with friends and not generally planned though. After multiple psych hospitalizations, the psychiatrist started pushing my parents to have me go stay with them.  So, my dad would trek his way from Florida to Indiana, and we would drive back down. I would stay for a month, and then we would drive back up.  This happened a few times.  Then I moved to Texas (it was supposed to be permanent) at one point, this was another road trip.  Then I moved back to Indiana, another road trip.  Perhaps these weren’t what others would call road trips?

Well, they were to me! See, we explored all the National Parks along the way. I saw all the National Monuments that we knew about.  I visited museums and of course was the tourist, stopping to take pictures at every visitor center at the state line, taking pictures with the state’s welcome sign!

If I could take another road trip, and no money or time was involved, I would definitely visit all the National Parks.  See, being in nature calms me.  It helps me to see life.  Having mental illness makes me feel dead inside all too often.  Being around nature though, seeing the green trees, green grass, watching the animals around me, seeing the majestic mountains, or trees as tall as the sky – they open my eyes to the beauty around me, the life around me. I feel free in nature, not locked up in a house, committed to a job or a person, I can just focus on anything, be mindful of my surroundings, listen to the sounds around me.

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And the road trip itself – going to all the National Parks, well that might take a while!  Perhaps I wouldn’t make it to all of them at one time.  It would probably take a few road trips over the years.  But driving in the car, listening to some music, singing along – who can argue with that?  I don’t typically enjoy driving to be honest, but knowing I will be going to a place I enjoy, knowing that I am free, I think I could enjoy that!

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This road trip would remind me of being out of the hospital.  They were freedom from the psych hospital!  Now, they will be for pleasure, but they will always represent my freedom – my freedom to be me, to be independent, and to get away and enjoy life and really live.