Dissociation. It sucks. It has been happening to me a lot I guess.
My anxiety medication was making things worse for me, so I was taken off of it. But while I was on it, my dissociation was even worse than before. But even off of it, I still dissociate. It is completely frustrating
So, some of you might not even know what dissociation is.
Dissociation – It can be mild detachment from immediate surroundings to more severe detachment from physical and emotional experience.
It does not necessarily mean you have Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly Multiple Personality Disorder). Dissociation can simply mean you , somewhat zone out, detach yourself from what is around you, go off into your own world so you do not think what your mind wants you to think or feel.
Dealing with my past history of abuse has been incredibly hard. Thinking of that, the sexual abuse, the rape, everything – it has just made me incredibly anxious and depressed and quite honestly, the suicidal ideations have been running rampant in my head.
Sometimes, I don’t even have to be thinking about any of it, and suddenly a memory will just pop into my brain and trigger me and I either have a flashback, a panic attack, or completely dissociate. During therapy, the dissociation has happened more frequently. It is really frustrating. Sometimes I come out of it and just want to cry. I feel horrible. I don’t want to talk at all.
It is really hard to deal with. Staying in the here and now – I guess I just have to keep learning how to do that. I guess I need to practice using my grounding techniques more frequently when my anxiety is high and the dissociation occurs. As my therapist says, she is there to help me through it when it happens in her office, but when she is not around, I have to learn how to do it on my own.