Daily Post – Predicting the Future, Looking at the Past

Word Press Post A Day – Back on January 21st, we asked you to predict what day #211 would be like. Well, July 30th is that day — how have your predictions held up so far? If you didn’t reply to the prompt at the time, is this year turning out to be as you’d expected?

 

I wasn’t even on WordPress back on January 21st, so I definitely didn’t predict what today would be like.  I do often think about my future though.  I think about my past and my future quite a bit.  I look back on my past and question why things happened, what would have happened if I had done something different, why didn’t I do this or that.  I focus a lot on my past.  People always say to look towards the future though.  I listen to them, I do look towards the future.  I question my future just as much as I question my past.  What is it going to be like, am I ever going to be “normal.” Yes, yes, what is normal?  I guess I should say, am I ever going to overcome this mental illness completely?  Will I be able to hold a job, be happy, be able to socialize with others without being in a panic, will I ever just be ok?  I can’t say that back in January I was expecting for that to all magically happen in July, especially on this day – but I do wonder if it will happen, and if it does, when will it happen.

I know it won’t though.  I know I am battling a lifelong battle.  I know that I am always going to struggle.  And sometimes, even seeing a future for myself in general is hard. 

In January, I did expect July to be better than what it has turned out to be.  I was hoping that I would be happier.  I was actually planning on moving back up to Indiana earlier in the summer, but in January I resigned my lease to stay an extra year here, to give it another chance.  I thought by now, I would have found out that it was nice here. It is nice here, but I’m not happy here, well not happy yet.  I suppose I still have until April of 2015 to find out if signing that lease for another year made a difference or not.  I just thought it would have happened already.

Living with mental illness is hard.  You can’t focus too much on the past.  You cant focus to much on the future either though.  There are too many what if’s both ways.  Too many should I have, could I have, and why’s.  The questions are endless.  I really have to stay in the present moment, and just think about today. 

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17 thoughts on “Daily Post – Predicting the Future, Looking at the Past”

  1. Nice, honest post. I truly hope you find some means of experiencing more joy and less pain. I can say that I tend to have intense fits of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) during late fall/winter. Three things help me tremendously: juicing (veges, fruits, and golden flax seed), vitamin D, and omega 3. I seriously experience significantly less anxiety/depression when I faithfully maintain intake of those three.

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  2. One day at a time, one step at a time. The journey isn’t easy, but you definitely can find real and lasting happiness.

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  3. Hello there! I’m BasicallyBeyondBasic, the blogger who came up with today’s daily prompt. I see you in your post that you weren’t around in January so you must be fairly new – I’d like to welcome you to WordPress! I hope the rest of 2014 is a great year for you! See you around.

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  4. It’s never too late! Maybe you can go ahead and make a prediction post (whether it’s public/personal) for some other date and check back when the time comes. It’s pretty interesting! 🙂

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  5. A very thoughtful post. I think of the past to keep in the context of my then undiagnosed and untreated BiPolar that there was nothing I could have done at the time to change it. I did not have the insight to see that I was mentally ill and needed medication. That came in the form of a breakdown only a few years ago. But there are many things I would do differently if I am faced with a similar situation in the future. And I now have goals for the future and I can see past today. I will work towards them, putting in the required effort to make them reality. So I think back on what has happened without regret, and that is fine. My perception is clear and my judgement is much better. I think about a goal rather than a prediction. Prediction takes me back to the old days of magical thinking and that I could directly affect my future just by wishing. Mental illness can be managed, to varying degrees of success, but not cured. And who knows when the meds may stop working?
    Thanks for the wonderful post and good luck. cheers, Glenn

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  6. I love everything you said here. I think goals is definitely a better word than predictions as well. Predictions definitely could lead to magical thinking and wishful ideas. I think for me it would also set me up for something that probably wouldn’t happen. A goal would be something I would be reaching for though. Great thoughts!! Thanks for commenting

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