Not Asking for Help – A Mistake I Won’t Make Again

What is a mistake I will never make again?

I won’t ever not ask for help again.  I went for years not asking for help.  Hiding my depression, hiding my pain.  I didn’t want people to think I was weak.  I didn’t want people to not love me or care about me.  I wanted to be strong and competitive in this world.  I wanted to prove I could be somebody.

Depression, Bipolar, BPD, PTSD, Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective, OCD, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Trauma, Sexual Abuse, Child Abuse, Rape – whatever the mental illness  or Trauma/Past is though – it doesn’t mean you are weak.  It took me far to long to figure that out.

All I knew was that this world was about getting ahead.  That is all that was preached to me in school – you have to do this, you have to do that.  Learn this, learn that.  Get into the best school, earn the highest grades.  Take the ACT, the SAT. Apply, apply, apply.  I was miserable, but I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

On top of that, I really didn’t believe I was going to be alive.  I really thought I was going to be dead, either by a natural death or by suicide.  I didn’t think I was actually going to have to live up to those expectations anyway.  So I never asked for help.

Then there was also the little fact that it was brought to people attention that I needed help, and no one seemed to care – so why would I ask for help when no one wanted to help me in the first place when others told them I needed it?

After being miserable for years though, and then seeing what my life has been like with the right medications and proper therapy — I would give so much to go back and get these things earlier in my life.  What a difference I think it would have made, how much easier my life would have been.

Even though people don’t always listen when we ask for help.  I still will always ask for it.  I still will always plead for it.  I won’t give up.  I will keep asking, I will keep begging, I will keep pleading for the help.  If I need help – I will get it – no matter what.  Because not asking for help, will just lead to my destruction.  I know that now.

8 thoughts on “Not Asking for Help – A Mistake I Won’t Make Again”

  1. That is always the hardest thing. Admitting you need help and then asking! Kudos to you for having the strength to do both!


  2. “I didn’t want people to think I was weak.” – same reason I’m afraid of coming out as someone with depression.

    Anyway, I’m really happy for you! You went through hard times, but you found the strength to stand back up again.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is actually strong to ask for help, it is weak to ignore the problem. I set my mind this way, but I get you completely. I still find it hard to reach out and then I just grab my phone and do it. 🙂

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  4. We all need to reach the attitude that you have — finding it strong to ask for help! That is the way it should be. Unfortunately many of us have grown up being told that it is bad to cry, bad to express ourselves, bad to ask for help. So asking for help and reaching out when we need it is a sign of weakness – more so even for males. I have learned this mostly through my past abuse as a child… but I am beginning to learn to be strong and ask for help through therapy. One day, hopefully everyone will be able to feel this way – that getting help is the strong thing to do!

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  5. Definitely! 🙂 I was confronted with my ex best friend (you’ll understand why ex very soon 😉 ) that our mutual friend at a time thought what i did was weak and he knows some guy (which I knew also) who had a hard life but he sucked it all up. And I was so hurt by that. I knew she meant it too. It was a rejection of me and my attempts to heal… Imagine how much courage takes to change your mind set and for asking help, and then I was really rejected from all of my close friends at the time who knew what was going on. I felt so alone that it would have to pass years for me to talk about it with people other than my closest family. It sucked big time but now I am so grateful I got rid of them, so so grateful. 😀 They were my mud and I needed it off. Plus, I know by the way they were thinking and doing and being very unhappy about life that they needed help as well.
    That was the moment i told her that asking for help is more strong than “sucking it up” and she went quiet. That was more than 5 years ago and I am so glad her ignorance led me to that and helped me to vocalize what I was feeling.

    Liked by 1 person

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