Category Archives: emotions

Be Proud

Be proud of who you are and everything you have overcome.

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How do you open up to your therapist?

How do you talk about trauma?

How do you talk about childhood sexual abuse?  Or childhood abuse? Or rape at any age – childhood or adult? Or any type of crime that has been committed against you?

It is important to be open with you counselor, I understand that.  I have an absolutely amazing therapist!  She makes me feel comfortable and I feel like she would understand and believe what I told her.

I do not know how to talk to her though.  I have written a few things, but even with that, it is hard.  I cannot go into details about things.  Writing or saying things just makes it real.  I don’t want it to be real.  I know it is real though – and I just want it to all go away.  It won’t though, and it haunts me, and until I deal with it — I am always going to feel bad and have these flashbacks and nightmares and want to hurt myself and die as much as I do.  I know I have bipolar and borderline personality along with my PTSD.  But I know if I deal with this PTSD, my symptoms will go down much more.

How does everyone else talk about their traumas?  Or just talk in general?  How do you let our your feelings, your frustrations, your thoughts?  I’m so scared to.  I want to.  I think about it over and over in my head because therapy.  All week sometimes.  I go in there with what I want to say.  I have rehearsed it in my mind.  Then, when I want to say it, my mouth can’t.  It is like it is all jumbled up.

I have gotten better about opening up.  But not about much.  It is never going to go away unless I talk.  I know that.  She has told me.  I believe her.  I just don’t know how to.  This is the first time I have ever face this stuff in therapy.  I have told her more than I have told anyone else.  I have gotten a lot out, but there is so much more.

So, how do you all do it?  How do you talk in therapy?  If you have been through abuse, sexual abuse, rape – anything like that – how do have you been able to talk about it?  Even if you haven’t been through any type of abuse — how do you talk in therapy, how do you let out your emotions?

When Life Gives You Lemons — No… no I won’t make lemonade

Word Press Post A Day –  When life gives you lemons… make something else. Tell us about a time you used an object or resolved a tricky situation in an unorthodox way.

I am sure that there are many times I have fixed things in an unorthodox way.  I was a very creative kid.  I went to Math, Science, Technology Magnet schools.  We were taught all sorts of critical thinking schools.  In nursing school you are taught critical thinking skills and to think outside of the box to help patients and solve problems.  I have had to come up with ways to fix all sorts of things with unconventional methods.

I hate the term, “When life gives you lemons just make lemonade” though!  No, when life gives you lemons you can’t always  just turn the situation around.  Sometimes life gives you lemons and it just sucks!  You have to just take it, know that it sucks, let yourself feel those emotions that it sucks, and acknowledge that it sucks.  You have a right to feel those thoughts and feelings and emotions.  Why do people always have to tell us to get over it, move on, just fix it?  I know we cannot wallow in it or ruminate on the problem or have pity party – of course not.  But what we feel is what we feel and we have the right to feel those emotions.  There is no reason that when something bad happens in our life that we should not be allowed to express that.  If something bad happens, let me feel like shit.  Stop telling me to just go make lemonade.  I don’t want to make lemonade.  I want to be pissed off for a while.  Once I work through those emotions then perhaps I would have squeezed through enough of those lemons with my anger and frustration that the lemonade will appear and I might have bought some sugar at the store to add to it.

Pushing the bad stuff that happens to me to the back of my mind and never dealing with it, just makes it come back 10x harder later on in life.  It builds up in me and eventually comes out as anger or resentment towards others.  So no, no I am not just going to make lemonade or something else when life gives me lemons.  Not right away anyway.  Perhaps you will get some lemonade over time, a cup at a time over a while.  But you aren’t going to be getting a jar of it all at once and I surely wont be setting up a lemonade stand making any money off of it.