WordPress Post A Day – It was sunny when you left home, so you didn’t take an umbrella. An hour later, you’re caught in a torrential downpour. You run into the first store you can find — it happens to be a dark, slightly shabby antique store, full of old artifacts, books, and dust. The shop’s ancient proprietor walks out of the back room to greet you. Tell us what happens next!
I hate umbrellas! I absolutely do! This rain, did it have to rain though? It was perfectly sunny earlier, ugh I guess I really do need to start watching the weather report. – I think these things to myself. I look around the dreary, antique shop, the owner appears. “Hello!”
‘Um, hi! I really don’t want anything. I’m sorry, I just had to get out of the rain,” I explained.
“Ok, ok. Well look around. There are still lots of fun things around here. Old things, things that might bring you back to your past.”
I decide, what the heck – I’m stuck here, I might as well do something than stare out the glass door at the rain. So I walk around, there is actually quite a mixture of things – lots of old dishes, chinaware, depression glass, pottery, music instruments, but what really caught my attention was a toy.
I’m not antique, I’m not even old, or I don’t think I am. It brought me back to childhood though, when I was carefree. Whenever I played with this, I was happy, I wasn’t sad. It was this giant spinning top! I am not sure how else to explain it. I could sit and watch it for hours. In the middle, you pushed up and down on a stick which made it spin around on its base. Mine was pink with swirls of yellow and orange. I had it when I was about 5 until 8, but I took it everywhere, including out in the rain (what a coincidence!), so it became quite rusted and quit working.
He was right, looking around did bring me back to my past. A time when I was happy. The rain stopped and I was free to go, to get out of the dark store. I couldn’t leave that top behind though. It had brought me so much happiness and maybe I needed it again now, to remind me that sometimes I just need to step back and have some fun, to look at the little things in life. So I paid for the top, thanked the man for the shelter, and went on my way.
All too often, I don’t have good thoughts about my childhood. I think of all the bad things, the fights, the arguments, the depression, and abuse. I don’t think of the things in between that I held on to, the things that kept me going. My toys were one of those things. As a kid, they are an escape for you. As you get older, it is usually your friends. As a kid though, your toys mean so much to you! That giant spinning top – it really took me out of my thoughts. I was mesmerized by it. It really didn’t do much but sit there and spin, but I could play with it for hours. It is really amazing how much a toy can bring such joy. When I look back on my life, I realize I need to try and focus on some of my happy thoughts now. To balance out all the negatives that I am having to deal with during therapy, I also need to focus on some of the positives. The good people that have been there for me, the things that did get me by, the hobbies I had, the healthy escapes that I used. I made it this far, and I did that somehow. I need to focus on those positives – and not just on all the negatives. If I simply focus on all of my trauma while going through therapy, it will be hard, it will be incredibly hard.