Your story isn’t over yet.
This is a project by Dese’Rae L. Stage – about suicide awareness. She interviews those who have attempted suicide and survived. She talks to them, gets their stories, and photographs them. She also has Bipolar 2 and is a survivor of suicide and self injury as well.
Per her website, her project is about:
The intention of Live Through This is to show that everyone is susceptible to depression and suicidal thoughts by sharing portraits and stories of real attempt survivors—people who look just like you. These feelings could affect your mom, your partner, or your brother, and the fear of talking about it can be a killer.
You can find her website at: Live Through This
Since the death of Robin Williams, there has been a spike in calls to crisis lines around the US and Australia. I am not sure about other parts of the world, as I simply saw articles pertaining to these two countries, however I am sure they probably went up as well.
Calls, chats, messages, and clicks on their websites to Lifeline in America, Lifeline in Australia, Beyond Blue in Australia, the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) information line and Facebook page, and local crisis centers all around the US.
Many people were reaching out, seeking help for their depression, suicidal thoughts, and some were simply wondering how people can be depressed – how can someone look happy and yet feel so much pain and kill themselves. Perhaps with that last question, people will begin to understand depression more and even see or help someone else around them who might present happy but really be very depressed.
While they do not really know how many people were reaching out for help due to their depression and suicidal thoughts prior to Robin Williams death versus those who were affected by his death and began to feel suicidal after in response to his death (example, when you have someone close to you die, you begin to feel like you want to die) — they are glad that more people know about the crisis lines and support systems and are using them.
While I do think Robin Williams death brought a great deal of attention to suicide and mental health, I also think it is going to die down soon as it usually does even though people seem to care very much about it after such a loss. However, hopefully after all those posts of the suicide hotline numbers – this will not die down and people will remember these resources – and use them – and reach out for help when they need to.
Here are a few articles discussing the increases in spikes in crisis center calls — and there are quite a few more if you search on the internet.
Australian News Article Discussing the increase in spikes in crisis calls
American Aljazeera Article Discussing the increase in spikes in crisis line calls
Houston, TX News Article Discussing local crisis center call increase
Augusta, Maine Article – Discussing local crisis center call increase
The minute you feel like giving up, think of the reason you have held on for so long.
I am so incredibly thankful for my therapist. She has really been a lifesaver. No, I have not been incredibly open with her yet. Bit she has stood by me. Through my crying, dissociation, suicidal ideation, not talking, avoiding it all – she has been there.
I have told her more than I have told anyone ever before. I haven’t told her details about anything, but I have hinted at stuff. That is still more than I have ever said to anyone.
I have never felt comfortable with a therapist before. Well, once before I connected with a therapist, but it was after I had just been raped, and everything was so fresh on my memory I couldn’t comprehend anything and didn’t want to deal with anything, so I just didn’t. She was wonderful and I got along with her, but I just couldn’t talk about the hard stuff.
Now, I have another great therapist after being with a million others – and I still have a hard time opening up, but I am getting there. She has helped me realize that I need to talk to feel better, to heal. I am really going to try to at my next appointment. I don’t see her until next week. I am really going to try to write and just practice talking out loud to myself to hear it out loud. Say it. I want to talk about it. I want to heal.
Having a good therapist is such an important thing. I don’t think I would be where I am today if I didn’t have my current therapist. I still have bad days – horrible days. I still have been hospitalized twice in the last year. And even though each day I waiver on how I feel about myself, at least some days, I do feel ok about who I am. Some days, I still hate myself, but there are some days that I do feel ok about myself now.
With my previous therapists, they didn’t even touch on my trauma. Of course, we were trying to get my bipolar under control as that was completely out of control – but they also solely kind of focused on my BPD. I am not saying none of that was irrelevant, but I think now that I have really been working on my trauma – I have been having a better grasp on my emotions over all and being able to control things – I have been able to take better care of myself over all.
As I said, I still have really bad days. I still have almost had to be readmitted to the hospital, even recently. I still have the suicidal ideations. I still get mad and blow up at people. But compared to how I was, having my current therapist has been a godsend.
If you don’t feel like your therapist is the right fit – keep looking. It is ok to “fire” your therapist. They are working for you, and if they aren’t the right fit, it is ok to find another one. I didn’t do this a lot of the time… I kept sticking it out with mine and it never helped me. I would just go to session after session getting nothing out of it, feeling miserable. I would give up, stop taking meds, and just get worse. I finally had someone tell me – its ok to shop around for a therapist. You have to find one you mesh with, someone that you clique with, someone that you feel comfortable with. And you will know within the first 2-3 sessions. You don’t have to go for 3 months to figure out if they are the therapist for you. And if they are a good therapist, they aren’t going to be offended if you leave – they know that not everyone works with well with everyone. Certain styles of therapy work with certain people.
So – don’t give up if you don’t think therapy is working. Keep looking for a good therapist. Keep advocating for yourself. I used to think therapy was stupid cause no one seemed to be helpful for me. But there is someone out there that you will get alone with and connect with – you just have to find them.
This blog has been a great release for me. I have also said I still struggle. At the moment, that last sentence is something that has been a problem for me.
It is a struggle that I am dealing with in a way I am not very much used to. In fact, anything that is misspelled or looks weird in this I am sorry.
I have been dealing with trauma therapy. It has been going well, I have an amazing therapist and am so grateful that I her. She has stuck by me even when I could be open right away. It is getting hardest though and I can’t stay present much. Im awake then Im interacting with someone. If I sit at home, going off, I dream, I imagine, I cry, its in my face, its happening to me. Im fighting on the floor. The thoughts are being yelled in my years
I took ambien cause I just feel myself leaving. I talked to a friend from my NAMI group. I told her that my meds have made me better. I am not severely depressed like how I was. I do find joy at times. I still have this underlying ever day depression though. I still have this need to die though. It is this bizarre need, like I have always felt like I wasn’t supposed to be alive.
Is it because of the childhood abuse? Is it because of my genes? It is because of both? Nature, nurture, both?
I am not I will ever know what has cause my brain to hurt the way it hurts or have such hard feelings.
Anyway, I am on ambien and am completely falling asleep. So as I said there maybe a completely a million mistakes and this may make no sense. But I felt the need to write this.
Thinking our thoughts is hard. Ruminating on why things happen can consume our lives. From here, we really should just be asking, not why? but what now?
Not why did this happen. When did it happen?
But — What can I do now, from this point forward, what can I do?Where Can I go From Here
Anyway, I am posted this ahead of time, so it should be posted in a few days, but I am totally tired from the medication now… so if it appears as if I should have been awake when it is up and posted, this is why 🙂 Best wishes everyone ! For some reason this was on my mind and I felt like writing it, perhaps I will re-write it or a follow up later though.
Please add your thoughts as well!
One small crack does not mean that you are broken,
it means that you were put to the test and you did not fall
When I first found out Robin Williams died, I literally thought – “Nooooo, if I can’t kill myself, why can he??”
Robin Williams was one of the funniest guys around. I grew up watching so many of the movies he was in – Aladdin, Fern Gully, Robots, Happy Feet, The Dead Poets Society, Patch Adams, What Dreams May Come, Goodwill Hunting…the list goes on and on.
The problem is – some of the funniest people, that look so happy on the outside and make other people laugh and feel happy — they can be the people hiding and feeling so much pain and sadness themselves. It is that mask that we wear. Allowing everyone to see our funny, social, happy side – but never allowing our emotions of hurt, pain, sadness to be exposed.
When a celebrity dies of a suicide or drug overdose, we are all incredibly shocked and taken aback. They either never seemed like someone who would do something like that — or they might have had a long history of stints in a rehab for their drug addiction. Mental health has stolen so many brilliant actors/actresses/artists away from us. —-
—-It has also taken away so many people away from us though. People that aren’t famous. The day Robin Williams died, there were others that also took their lives. Their families were torn up by the news that their loved ones were found dead, dead because they too had taken their own lives. I guess I began thinking about this aspect because a few days prior to Robin Williams’ death — another friend of mine lost her nephew to a suicide. You hear about the famous people that take their lives, perhaps hear a bit about how we need to help those with depression reach out for help, and then its over. What about those that take their lives everyday? It happens so much more than just a celebrity losing their life every so often – it is happening everyday, multiple times a day. We need more help for mental illness now! More education, more programs, more psychiatrist and therapists – we need all of that so that everyone who is affected can get the proper treatment — whether it is the public or celebrities. My friend’s family is trying to raise money for their nephews funeral, as it was extremely unexpected, if you would like to donate any money or simply leave a kind word the website is on gofundme.
I know I have tried suicide, a lot. And I have gone back and forth in my mind as to whether I am happy or sad that I lived through it. I am happy though I didn’t die though. I am not always happy, by any means. But, I am glad I was given a second change, and third, and fourth, and …. quite a few.
I really feel for Robin’s family. I can’t even imagine how hard it is to lose someone that not only they loved but to also have to deal with the publicity of everyone in the world who loved him too. I have lost someone to a drug overdose when she was basically self medicating for her depression and it hurts. Losing someone to mental illness hurts. I hope they are able to heal over time.
If you are thinking about suicide or even just having a hard time call: