Just Hold Them, Without Saying Anything…

Spike in Crisis Line Phone Calls after Robin Williams Death

Since the death of Robin Williams, there has been a spike in calls to crisis lines around the US and Australia.  I am not sure about other parts of the world, as I simply saw articles pertaining to these two countries, however I am sure they probably went up as well.

Calls, chats, messages, and clicks on their websites to Lifeline in America, Lifeline in Australia, Beyond Blue in Australia,  the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) information line and Facebook page, and local crisis centers all around the US.

Many people were reaching out, seeking help for their depression, suicidal thoughts, and some were simply wondering how people can be depressed – how can someone look happy and yet feel so much pain and kill themselves.  Perhaps with that last question, people will begin to understand depression more and even see or help someone else around them who might present happy but really be very depressed.

While they do not really know how many people were reaching out for help due to their depression and suicidal thoughts prior to Robin Williams death versus those who were affected by his death and began to feel suicidal after in response to his death (example, when you have someone close to you die, you begin to feel like you want to die) — they are glad that more people know about the crisis lines and support systems and are using them.

While I do think Robin Williams death brought a great deal of attention to suicide and mental health, I also think it is going to die down soon as it usually does even though people seem to care very much about it after such a loss.  However, hopefully after all those posts of the suicide hotline numbers – this will not die down and people will remember these resources – and use them – and reach out for help when they need to.

Here are a few articles discussing the increases in spikes in crisis center calls — and there are quite a few more if you search on the internet.

Australian News Article Discussing the increase in spikes in crisis calls

American Aljazeera Article Discussing the increase in spikes in crisis line calls

Houston, TX News Article Discussing local crisis center call increase

Augusta, Maine Article – Discussing local crisis center call increase

Not – “Why Did This Happen”, But “What Can I do Now, Where Can I Go From Here?

This blog has been a great release for me.  I have also said I still struggle.  At the moment, that last sentence is something that has been a problem for me.

It is a struggle that I am dealing with in a way I am not very much used to.  In fact, anything that is misspelled or looks weird in this I am sorry.

I have been dealing with trauma therapy.  It has been going well, I have an amazing therapist and am so grateful that I her.  She has stuck by me even when I could be open right away.  It is getting hardest though and I can’t stay present much.  Im awake then Im interacting with someone.  If I sit at home, going off, I dream, I imagine, I cry, its in my face, its happening to me.  Im fighting on the floor.  The thoughts are being yelled in my years

I took ambien cause I just feel myself leaving.  I talked to a friend from  my NAMI group.  I told her that my meds have made me better.  I am not severely depressed like how I was.  I do find joy at times.  I still have this underlying ever day depression though.  I still have this need to die though.  It is this bizarre need, like I have always felt like I wasn’t supposed to be alive.

Is it because of the childhood abuse?  Is it because of my genes?  It is because of both?  Nature, nurture, both?

I am not I will ever know what has cause my brain to hurt the way it hurts or have such hard feelings.

Anyway, I am on ambien and am completely falling asleep.  So as I said there maybe a completely a million mistakes and this may make no sense.  But I felt the need to write this.

Thinking our thoughts is hard.  Ruminating on why things happen can consume our lives.  From here, we really should just be asking, not why? but what now?

Not why did this happen. When did it happen?

But — What can I do now, from  this point forward, what can I do?Where Can I go From Here

Anyway, I am posted this ahead of time, so it should be posted in a few days, but I am totally tired from the medication now… so if it appears as if I should have been awake when it is up and posted, this is why 🙂  Best wishes everyone ! For some reason this was on my mind and I felt like writing it, perhaps I will re-write it or a follow up later though.

Please add your thoughts as well!

Not Asking for Help – A Mistake I Won’t Make Again

What is a mistake I will never make again?

I won’t ever not ask for help again.  I went for years not asking for help.  Hiding my depression, hiding my pain.  I didn’t want people to think I was weak.  I didn’t want people to not love me or care about me.  I wanted to be strong and competitive in this world.  I wanted to prove I could be somebody.

Depression, Bipolar, BPD, PTSD, Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective, OCD, Anxiety, Eating Disorders, Trauma, Sexual Abuse, Child Abuse, Rape – whatever the mental illness  or Trauma/Past is though – it doesn’t mean you are weak.  It took me far to long to figure that out.

All I knew was that this world was about getting ahead.  That is all that was preached to me in school – you have to do this, you have to do that.  Learn this, learn that.  Get into the best school, earn the highest grades.  Take the ACT, the SAT. Apply, apply, apply.  I was miserable, but I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.

On top of that, I really didn’t believe I was going to be alive.  I really thought I was going to be dead, either by a natural death or by suicide.  I didn’t think I was actually going to have to live up to those expectations anyway.  So I never asked for help.

Then there was also the little fact that it was brought to people attention that I needed help, and no one seemed to care – so why would I ask for help when no one wanted to help me in the first place when others told them I needed it?

After being miserable for years though, and then seeing what my life has been like with the right medications and proper therapy — I would give so much to go back and get these things earlier in my life.  What a difference I think it would have made, how much easier my life would have been.

Even though people don’t always listen when we ask for help.  I still will always ask for it.  I still will always plead for it.  I won’t give up.  I will keep asking, I will keep begging, I will keep pleading for the help.  If I need help – I will get it – no matter what.  Because not asking for help, will just lead to my destruction.  I know that now.

A Message to The Depressed

PTSD-How to help

Having PTSD is really hard, and so many people do not understand what it is like – they may read about it or hear about it more because veterans are being diagnosed with it more frequently, but unless they have experienced flashbacks and panic attacks, hyper arousal and the anxiety related to it— it is hard for them to know what it is like. Multi Me wrote a great blog about some ways that you can help someone who has PTSD.

Multi-Me

If you have PTSD then you know how absolutely awful and debilitating it can be. I thought I’d write a post about the ways in which you can help someone with PTSD. Remember this is from my own perspective.

Listen, and validate the persons feelings. We all like to feel validated, it really does help.

Talk about the symptoms. Dont be afraid of them. PTSD is really scary to the person going through it.

If a person who experiences PTSD is going through a flashback, sit with them, and listen, hold their hand, soothe them.

Allow the person to express how they are feeling. Dont minimize the persons feelings or experiences as trivial.

Dont make fun of, or laugh at the persons symptoms. They are very real.

If you are staying the night with the person, and they have a nightmare, help them by getting them a cold drink, or…

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Thank You All For The Support

Thank you so much to everyone for the support and kind comments, likes, and encouragement on all my posts and especially throughout this frustrating time dealing with my anxiety and last psychiatrist appointment.

I still have struggled today and have just spent time kind of lying around – yes I know, not the healthiest thing.  I did go out and just sit outside in the sun, trying to get some good ol’ vitamin D, and listened to music.

One thing that does always help me though is comedy.  I absolutely comedy – I think every time I have been down, I can bring myself out of it with some type of comedy.  It might take a bit of time, but eventually I am laughing so hard and my mind is distracted for a good period of time.  Of course, the hardest part is getting myself to watch some comedy.

Tonight though, there were two shows on TV that involve quite a bit of comedy.  Hollywood Game Night and Last Comic Standing.   Now, I don’t normally follow Hollywood Game Night, I have just watched it here and there, but it is pretty funny.  I have followed Last Comic Standing this season though, for the first time, and it always makes me laugh.

So tonight, I turned on the TV, because I have just kind of been lying on my couch, being a bum, ruminating on my problems, getting no where.  I figured, what the heck, maybe TV will at least get my mind off of it.  Thankfully both of these shows were actually on!!!  Well, Last Comic Standing is actually on right now – so I am alternating between writing this and watching it 🙂  But it has really lifted my mood already.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with my therapist and hopefully that will help as well.  Perhaps we can problem solve some of all of what I am feeling and thinking about everything going on.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone.  It is amazing how much support I have gotten.  Also, comedy is an amazing coping skill to bring you out of a bad mood – you should definitely try it if you haven’t 🙂